Friday, January 21, 2011

a week of unfortunate events

it has been a week of ups & downs for me.
actually, five days of a rollercoaster ride of my emotions.
for starters, Monday marked exactly a year my brother left & i was crying while i wrote the entry but managed to look composed.
wouldn't want them to worry.

on Wednesday, my 9 months 10 days old nephew, cute little Andika took his first step & i got it on video!
it was really funny because i took the video, not expecting that he would wobble quite a distance toward me and he was trying so hard to grab the phone off my hand!
here's the video for u guys to witness it urself. :)

later that night, i went out with Fieza with the hope of grabbing ourselves a few Charles & Keith merchandise because they were having stock clearance sale up to 70%!
they're closing their outlet here in Kuching, people!
we should do a petition for them to stay.
to cut the long story short, we were deeply disappointed when we got there.
the place looked like it had just been robbed.
there was nothing much left, just a few so-not-my-type footwear.
the handbags, purses, sunglasses, belts were all gone!

to add salt to injury, i lost something precious to me.
something i possessed for only a year & was taken away from me.
my blackberry!
after i sent off Fieza, i remember still having it with me cause i was replying a comment on a friend's FB status.
but once i settled at home, i realized that it's not in my handbag nor in the car nor anywhere nearby.
i tried calling, i heard the connecting tone but i couldn't hear it anywhere near.
i searched high & low with my sis & bro in law but after more than an hour, we decided to call it quits.
so instead of mourning the loss, i bought a new phone yesterday.
nothing fancy.
something simple but sexy.
it's hot pink & like Leona put it, so Legally Blonde.
maybe i should wear more pink & carry a chihuahua in my bag to suit it.

now i sometimes forget i used to have a blackberry and i'm actually ok with it.
because i believe after the storm, there's always rainbows.

Monday, January 17, 2011

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

A year ago, on this date, I lost my brother.
I still remember that day, I was out with my friends when my mom called, asking me to come home.
My dad was already at the hospital taking care of him.
At that time he had been there for almost 2 weeks.
On our way there, I had a disturbing feeling that something was wrong.
Somehow I knew that something bad had happened.
It was raining heavily & it felt like forever for us (my mom, sister & myself) to get there.
Once there, we saw a few nurses hurdled around his bed.
Thinking they were just doing routine check up, I took a seat nearby & did my own thing.
Then, mom who went up to check on him, slowly walked toward me & my sister.
She was calm when she said 'your brother's gone' without a tear in her eyes that for a second there, I thought she was joking.
My sis & I looked at each other, still in disbelief but finally the reality dawned on us when we looked at his lifeless body on the hospital bed.
My brother passed away & I wasn't there to say my goodbye.
I was crying so hard I only managed to send text messages to my families & friends.
When they called back, I was talking in between sobs with tears streaming down my face.
Then I managed to calm down when I saw my parents, thinking I should stay strong for them but later cried again while I drove back home alone in the rain.

Truth to be told, my brother and I, we didn't get along very well.
We once did before he started being 'sick.'
He was a good looking, soft spoken, intelligent guy.
He played in the school band, he was a prefect, loved by everyone & the future seem so bright for him.
Until 1993 when he started to change.
He wasn't himself most of the time, claimed he's seeing & hearing things.
His health deteriorated but after undergoing both modern & traditional treatments, he was a little better.
His weight yoyo-ed between anorexic thin to morbidly obese which later became the cause of his death: he was diabetic.
His actions was also the same.
One time he was calm, another, enraged & erupted like volcano.
With him, it's like living with a ticking time bomb.
He acted violently sometimes at the parents, my sister & myself.
Even tried committed suicide but thank God he failed.
Life was definitely hard when he was around.
And through out the years we've grown further & further apart.
But as much as I hoped that I had a different brother & when I said I hated him to his face, I was hating the person he had become because of that one person who made him that way.
I know that deep down inside he's still the same brother that I once knew & loved.
That's why I still feel the guilt of not visiting him as much as I could during his stay at the hospital & for not being there by his side when he took his last breath.

Even though it's been a year, sometimes I still feel like u're still here with us.
That u're just sleeping in ur room upstairs or out to town with dad just like u always did.
Hopefully u're doing great where u are now & don't worry we all doing just fine here.
I want to apologize for all the hurtful things I've said to u & I'm also sorry for not being a good sister who should have understood ur condition.
I'm sorry.
Until we meet again, our prayers is always with u.
Al Fatihah.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Good news everyone!
U wanna know what it is?
The mentally torturing wait is finally over.
I'll be stationed here in home sweet home, Kuching!
Actually at the very place I wrongly came to report duty on my first day last week on Monday.
Even the man I met that day still remembers me as the freshie who got lost.
At the moment, work haven't officially started so I'm still in the process of learning the nature of work of the department I'm placed in.
Did I mention I'm going to have my own room?
And I was also given a whole set of stationaries.
I'm loving this work already.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

For once, I'm not blaming hormones

I'm feeling really miserable at the moment.
One minute, I feel like running over someone over and over again.
Another, I feel like crying so hard til my tears dry out.
At first I think I'm just PMS-ing but come to think about it, it's actually because of a few things happening and not happening the way I want them to be.

1. I'm coming down with a fever. AGAIN! There's a burning sensation everytime I swallow something (even saliva) & that totally sucks!

2. I still don't know where I'll be stationed at. It's the same answer EVERY SINGLE DAY since last week that I just stopped asking. Tomorrow? The day after tomorrow? Whatever. Won't make a difference anymore.

3. I was ignored by someone I was really looking forward to talk to. And he didn't even leave me an offline message. Would it kill u to do just that? Bottomline is, I don't like being ignored. Doesn't matter who the person is.

4. I'm well aware that i'm gaining weight but so far, am not doing anything about it. I hate looking at my reflection in the mirror lately but I just can't stop stuffing my face & I despise that feeling. How do I expect someone to love what they see when me, myself is loathing it?

Phew, that's a relief.
Now that the cat is out of the bag, I'm feeling a wee bit better.
I'm off for a shower & thinking of hitting the sack early tonight. Hopefully when I wake up I won't feel as crappy as I do now.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Monday, January 10, 2011

Rezeki day

I would call this day free food & freebies day or like the title, rezeki day for me.

First and foremost, my day started with Fieza, Juz, AP & myself attending our friend, Ziza's Majlis Cukur Jambul for her son, Adli Ilyas Hanafi.
We got there just in time to be ushered to the banquet table & the dishes served were marvelous!
My tight fitting kurung moden didn't stop me from having seconds of pretty much everything!
Before we left, we were each given a goodie box that consisted of Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies look-and-taste-a-like & a few yummy chocolates.

Later, Fieza & I watched Meet The Parents: Little Fockers.
Unrelated to the topic but just felt like sharing what I thought about the movie.
A good laugh but wasn't as funny as the first & second installments.
I enjoyed myself though, unlike watching The Tourist.
If it wasn't for Angelina Jolie, Johny Depp, Paul Bethany & the breathtaking views of Venice and Paris, I would have excused myself out of the cinema 30 minutes into the movie.
Huge, huge, huge disappointment.

Back to the topic, later in the evening I went to my former office for a bbq with my former colleagues.
We had chicken wings, sausages, corn on cob, potatoes, tiramisu cake, fried meehoon, honey dew, pizza & orange sprite as refreshments.
There were also karaoke, lucky draws & the game of musical chair.
Fyi, it was my first time playing musical chair in 27 years & I was sweating buckets!
I didn't win though but I definitely had fun (most probably for fearing of hurting myself coz these people really play to win).
My former office has a tradition of giving away a parting gift for those leaving the company & tonight I got myself a metallic gray hobo bag from MNG.
(Thanks you guys! I looooove it!)
Anddddd I also won a lucky draw tonight!
It was a cute coinbox, a small replica of a red, England mailbox (can see one in Mr Bean the series if u noticed) which is so cute!
I am so putting it on my new desk so that I will always be reminded of all the good times spent with them.
That's not all, each one of us also received a small token of appreciation which is a keychain with our name & the company name on it, along with a few gold coins chocolate.
I just love those!
Love it so much I wolfed down all four at one sitting.

At the moment, I can swear I look like a freaking python after that much eating.
For someone who should have been consuming 1200 - 2000 calories per day, I managed to double that.
Maybe triple.
But in my defence, there's no way I'm turning down 'rezeki.'

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Friday, January 7, 2011

Freaky friday

This morning when I locked the gate, I accidentally 'locked' a small bit of my skin along with it.
Yikes, I know.
But it didn't bleed because somehow the entrapment didn't manage to cut me & the blood was still trapped under the skin leaving an impression of a swollen red dot right in the middle of my left ring finger.
I thought about poking it with a sharp pin or something to let the blood out but then I imagined when I did just that, it's gonna be like one scene from a horror movie.
Blood spurting all over the place, all gory & disgusting & I'll be screaming my lungs out.
But that's just me, someone with real wild & sometimes unrealistic & over the top imaginations.
So maybe I would do just that.
On second thought, let my sis or aunt do it so if anything gory happens, they'll be the ones with blood on them, not me.
Orrrrrr let a good looking vampire suck on it.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I know it's already the 5th day of the new year but like someone put it, we still have another 361 days left so I'm guessing it's not too late to wish everyone a Happy New Year!
Where did u guys celebrate?
I welcomed 2011 together with Bobet & her family because my parents went for their second honeymoon (nah, just kidding) overseas leaving me behind.
They're still in Chiang Mai & man, I should have come with if only I had mentioned earlier to my brother that I was between jobs.

Today is my third day at my new workplace.
So far so good but I'd say my first day would be my worst.
I was late because I went to the wrong office to report duty.
So much for a great first impression.
At the moment I'm still at HQ basically doing nothing but waiting to be informed on where we will be stationed at.
Yes, I was wrong when I thought I'd be posted here.
But as much as I'm hoping I won't be leaving home, I'm mentally preparing myself to accept whatever decisions from my superior.

Enough about work.
Remember my so called determination to lose 14kg in 3 months?
I rose to the challenge but failed miserably.
I did lose a few kilos but later yoyoed back to where I started.
*covers face in shame*

My resolutions for this year?
Come to think of it, it's the same as last year's.
Hopefully this year would treat me nicer, more happiness, more love, more wealth, more prosperity & I quote pakdukun, more 'ong'!

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone