Time's up!

Dear u,

Today would be exactly a month since I last heard from u.
If things were different, if things were like before, I know I would be missing u like crazy by now.
But not this time.
Not after what u did.

Let me take u through the emotional roller coaster ride I had on that fateful afternoon.

At first, I was in utter disbelief & denial.
I rubbed my eyes a few times, hoping what I saw wasn't real.
I even tried a few times until I realised that no matter how many times I did it, the result will always be the same.

Then it hit me that I was being lied to all these while.
How can I be so stupid to let it happen for almost 3 and a half years?
I was ignorant of all the signs & serves me right for that.

That's when anger seeped in.
I let my guards down, I gave whole heartedly & this is what I got in return.
I'm angry at myself for being too trusting & weak when it comes to love.
Because I thought u were true & what we had was special.
Obviously I thought wrong.
I should have known that something that's too good to be true usually is.

Slowly anger turned into sadness.
I tried going to bed early that night, thinking that maybe when I wake up the next morning everything will return to normal & I won't feel as shitty anymore.
But I couldn't sleep, I kept tossing & turning thinking what I did wrong to deserve being treated this way.
When I finally had some sleep, I woke up feeling even worse than before.
It got real bad that I had to take a day off from work.
A whole day spent crying in bed & when no one was watching.
And tried to keep a straight face when someone was.

Do u know how hard it was for me to hold back my tears when all I wanted to do was bawl my eyes out because I didn't want others to know how stupid I was/felt?

Do u know that I never felt anything closer than what I had for u for any other guy eventhough we never met?

Do u know I have big dreams for us, for our future?

Of course u don't.
How would u when u don't look for me.
U didn't even try.
U know how to reach me but u chose to be silent.
Without any explanation.
And it's been a month.
Not 3, but 30 freaking days.
U had ur chance but u blew it.
Too late for anything right now.
Apologies just won't quite cover it.
But don't worry, I forgive u a long time ago.
But will I forget about it?
Not in a million years.

Thanks for doing me wrong & making me strong.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone