al fatihah

on Sunday,
i visited a very dear friend at the hospital.
his condition had deteriorated from the last time i saw him.
it's heartbreaking to see someone u've known for a long time,
as someone so full of life to a person laying helplessly on the hospital bed.
i tried to be strong and was thinking about talking to him eventhough i know he wasn't conscious at that time.
i had so much to say, i want to tell him that i want him to get better, things will be ok in the end & we'll be going out with the others like usual, but the words didn't come out.
i couldn't even get myself to call out his name.
i got all choked up.
and then the tears came streaming down,
i had to get away.
i wasn't that strong.

today's Thursday.
and that dear friend of mine had gone.
he passed away around 2pm today.
i was at work when i heard the news.
but i didn't even shed a tear.
i was in complete denial.
i know he was really sick & he could leave us any time.
i didn't expect it to be this soon.
but it finally dawned on me that he's really gone when we reached his house.
there were family & friends reciting Yasin, crying & consoling each other.
while reciting Yasin, i broke down & cried at the mention of his name 'azyzeer rahiim' which means 'yang maha penyayang.'
i never lost someone very close to me before & i couldn't grab the idea that i won't be seeing him around anymore.

jie,
i will always remember u as the cool guy.
someone with great talent in art.
and eccentric sense of style.
who introduced me to Arctic Monkeys & the sorts.
a guy with few words but never ending smile.
and how u always make that cute faces of urs.
i will sure miss that.

i think i never thank u enough for being my friend.
for the time u kept it a secret when u saw my blood stained school uniform in class.
for giving me rides to the surau when we worked part time at a school canteen with a few others.
for letting me win Street Fighter a few times when we escaped from work at the canteen.
for the laughter we shared while playing UNO.
for the last birthday gift u gave me & fieza last year.
for the great time we had at all the outings just because u were there.

i still can't believe u're gone.
but it's ok, at least u won't suffer anymore.
i know right now u're in a much better place.

MOHAMAD AZYZEER RAHIIM,
may ur soul rest in peace.